Driving

When I'm on the roads, I feel responsible. Not to adhering to the codes of road law, but to speed. I like to drive on the rightmost lane of the highway. The fastest one, because left-hand drivers veer right for speed. When an adjacent car from an adjacent lane decides that there is a need for more speed, and signals to switch lanes so they end up behind me, I feel a trust. A trust from driver-behind to driver-me. They trust me enough (even though we've never met!) to maintain a certain speed, to allow them to reach their destination quickly, to allow them a peaceful but speedy drive. I am responsible for all that! Which means I have to be on my best behavior, judging and forecasting the actions of the driver in front of me so as not to jam my brakes, or go too slowly...we have to get to know each other's characteristics -- car to car. Like airplane passengers, this relationship is fleeting and replaced by the next in line. But before all that, we got something going on.

Likewise, if I were fortunate enough to be behind the same car all the way from home to destination, I feel like I know that engine, that driver behind the wheel, the face of those brake lights. I know suddenly how much space to give, how far I should keep so that both of us emerge unscathed. Sometimes I meet a fickle one, braking and pausing, brake lights always flashing in contorted despair and uncertainty. So I draw back and allow it more space to find itself, to find its stable lane, to continue its journey, before I rejoin them in their rev forward. Sometimes it's an eager one, going really close to their counterpart in front before braking forcefully, and continuing that pattern until they decide to find another character from another lane they can connect with better. Not everyone was made for everyone else, you must understand. Sometimes too, when I feel angst or antsy, I make a bad road friend. And apologetic that potential fleeting relations are ruined because of my mood.

Most of the time I try to offer a smile in terms of polite distance. And most of the time, we are safe.